E-GATE TWENTY SIX

Peter Coglan

May 29, 2025

In July 2024 we were told ‘The adults are in the room’.

MPs certainly address us as if we are children, as do the news media, spewing out patronising messages on loop on X. What is this nonsense about e-gates?

10 minutes in a queue at passport control is 10 minutes less at baggage reclaim. Do people really dash straight to the beach from the arrivals lounge? We can’t all use the VIP lane. Is this really all that important when compared to other challenges we all face in our daily lives?

You cheered him when he said

There’ll be no queues ahead

We’re getting you to the beach without delay

You’ll sail through the e-gate

No fear of being late

The perfect start to your holiday

You’ll never be stuck again

In France or Greece or Spain

Going further and faster all the way

Help! Someone help me!

I’m in a fix

At E-Gate Twenty Six

It’s jammed in front of me

It’s jammed behind me

I can’t move

In one direction or another

I’m stuck at E-Gate Twenty Six

Help! Can’t anyone hear me!

You took him at his word

To doubt would be absurd

That he’s fixing the foundations all the time

His plan for change will make life better

He keeps his promises to the letter

You like the way he clamped down on thought crime

The chance to move freely

To Belgium or Germany

To places with a much sunnier clime

Help! Won’t someone help me!

I’m in a fix

At E-Gate Twenty Six

I’ve got my passport

I’ve got my ETIAS certificate

I’ve got my euros and my EU Visa

The damned gate is broken

I’m stuck at E-Gate Twenty Six

Help! Please! Help!

Well you trusted his speech

About getting faster to the beach

The fault is all his for this pantomime

Help! Somebody please! I’m stuck!

I’m in a fix

At E-Gate Twenty Six

Help! Aaarrggghhh!

© Peter Coglan 2025

Image via author.

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